Things You Can Find Hidden In Your Documents Folder

About an hour has passed since last blog post and I am STILL UNEMPLOYED and thus STILL IN BED and writing some fun things. A brief flick through aforementioned documents folder provided me with something I was planning to share with you a little while ago, since I thought it would be very useful to the public sphere in general.

So, few months ago some band on facebook KEPT sending me requests to 'like' their band.  I assumed these would stop happening in due course, and yet after the twentieth or so request I drafted up an email and sent it on.  Here is that email for you to also use if this situation should ever occur to you:

Hello you,

Despite seeing myself as a relatively adventurous, let's-try-anything-once, 'sure, I'll touch that impressive, weeping wound on your arm' sort of gal, there are a few things that i never want to do in my life.  i'll outline some of these for you now.

 1. Contract a horrible, debilitating disease.  This would obviously be no fun at all. Given this, I should probably change my standpoint on injury-touching but hey, I'm the inquisitive type

 2. Be taken as a political prisoner and tortured.  I would only last about a second so this would be embarrassing as well as painful

 3. Have to work in an 'office job' for a long time.  I would only last about a second so this would be embarrassing as well as painful

 4. Be exposed in any way to a song by Robbie Williams, a film featuring Adam Sandler or a TV show on which Jimmy Carr's face made any form of appearance. This is something I struggle with daily and thus a particularly sensitive topic

 5. Have my DNA somehow used to resurrect dinosaurs.  Wouldn't want the responsibility and also I've seen 'Jurassic Park', it didn't go as well as that nice Richard Attenborough said it would AT ALL

 6. Become a fan of Conchitas.  Having refused at least twenty times, i would have thought your enthusiasm for asking me would have been dampened.  However, this is obviously not the case, so here it is: I DO NOT want to become a fan.  Please NEVER EVER ask me again unless I send you a prostrate and hugely apologetic email begging you to give me another chance to become a fan.  There is about a 0.000001 percent chance of this happening, so hopefully you'll assume it's better just not to ask.

Thank you for your understanding, and I do wish you very well with Conchitas's future (I have nothing against the band of course, but I have never heard any of your songs and thus remain vastly apathetic towards any impending success/failure/events that you might engage in).

 Emily  (at this point you would write your own name, obvs)


I am happy to report that this worked very well; the band and I enjoyed a short period of entertaining and amicable email correspondence and they never asked me to be their fan again.  So, another handy guide to navigating modern life for you all.  You're entirely welcome. 

Now here's some Destiny's Child

'Day and Night' - Billie Piper

Not a relevant title at all; just the song in my head. It may apply a little bit since have spent the last day and night lolling around my room fending off a cold and coming up with some EXCITING IDEAS. Unfortunately, this and my interview/lovely sojourn to the countryside on Wednesday have conspired to delay my library video project, which I will now begin this weekend. It might well work better on weekends anyway; I want to meet people that freely spend their leisure time in libraries rather than being forcibly marched there by some sort of school or job.

It strikes my attention that this blog post isn't at all interesting, so to spice it up a little bit, let's have a chat about.......um......well, how about a nice Billie Piper song instead, thus rendering my subject RELEVANT to the post (and, I think, to today's society and Current Economic Trends ((that was some bullshit)) (((all these brackets are reminding me of Luce Irigaray's 'ecriture feminine' and feminist theory))) ((((now that's a reference)))) - speaking of which, Jimmy Carr was always a massive dick so I can't understand why everyone is so shocked to see even more evidence of this fact re: Jimmy'TheDick'CarrTaxGate'). I hope you all enjoyed that excellent punctuation; now let's enjoy a nineties CLASSIC.

Backstreet's Back - ALL RIGHT! the sequel

So have actually in the last minute decided not to cut and paste Proust blog into this one, just follow this link instead if (for God knows what reason) you want to see it. http://kclproust11.blogspot.co.uk/ hint: it's shit. However, it does feature some very attractive pictures of Jessica Fletcher, so this might almost validate its existence.

Backstreet's back - ALL RIGHT!!

Incidentally, there are SO MANY nineties songs that involve talk of things being back. 'Back to life, back to reality', 'Back for good', 'Baby got back', 'Back to the motel'.....and probably plenty more. Apparently the nineties were all over the comeback ting, so I apologise for not having written this in the actual nineties. Hopefully you can forgive me and we can move on together.

ANYWAY, my degree is now complete (assuming that I don't receive a ton of irate emails from the French department saying 'you wrote WHAT about Rousseau?! Get back here IMMEDIATELY' anytime soon)and so I thought it might be time to get back on the writing horse. So am going to plonk some of the crap I wrote about Proust for my uni-ordered Proust-blog (entitled, 'Proust, she wrote', of course) onto this blog and then I'm going to hopefully follow this up with my EXCITING NEW PROJECT* of harassing people in London libraries and asking them about books while shoving a camera in their face. So let's hope that that goes well and doesn't end in any form of conviction.

THANKS

*this may not actually work at all; it might all end before it begins with withering, unimpressed looks all round from library clientele. Let's hope not.