Things You Can Find Hidden In Your Documents Folder

About an hour has passed since last blog post and I am STILL UNEMPLOYED and thus STILL IN BED and writing some fun things. A brief flick through aforementioned documents folder provided me with something I was planning to share with you a little while ago, since I thought it would be very useful to the public sphere in general.

So, few months ago some band on facebook KEPT sending me requests to 'like' their band.  I assumed these would stop happening in due course, and yet after the twentieth or so request I drafted up an email and sent it on.  Here is that email for you to also use if this situation should ever occur to you:

Hello you,

Despite seeing myself as a relatively adventurous, let's-try-anything-once, 'sure, I'll touch that impressive, weeping wound on your arm' sort of gal, there are a few things that i never want to do in my life.  i'll outline some of these for you now.

 1. Contract a horrible, debilitating disease.  This would obviously be no fun at all. Given this, I should probably change my standpoint on injury-touching but hey, I'm the inquisitive type

 2. Be taken as a political prisoner and tortured.  I would only last about a second so this would be embarrassing as well as painful

 3. Have to work in an 'office job' for a long time.  I would only last about a second so this would be embarrassing as well as painful

 4. Be exposed in any way to a song by Robbie Williams, a film featuring Adam Sandler or a TV show on which Jimmy Carr's face made any form of appearance. This is something I struggle with daily and thus a particularly sensitive topic

 5. Have my DNA somehow used to resurrect dinosaurs.  Wouldn't want the responsibility and also I've seen 'Jurassic Park', it didn't go as well as that nice Richard Attenborough said it would AT ALL

 6. Become a fan of Conchitas.  Having refused at least twenty times, i would have thought your enthusiasm for asking me would have been dampened.  However, this is obviously not the case, so here it is: I DO NOT want to become a fan.  Please NEVER EVER ask me again unless I send you a prostrate and hugely apologetic email begging you to give me another chance to become a fan.  There is about a 0.000001 percent chance of this happening, so hopefully you'll assume it's better just not to ask.

Thank you for your understanding, and I do wish you very well with Conchitas's future (I have nothing against the band of course, but I have never heard any of your songs and thus remain vastly apathetic towards any impending success/failure/events that you might engage in).

 Emily  (at this point you would write your own name, obvs)


I am happy to report that this worked very well; the band and I enjoyed a short period of entertaining and amicable email correspondence and they never asked me to be their fan again.  So, another handy guide to navigating modern life for you all.  You're entirely welcome. 

Now here's some Destiny's Child